I’m learning that there is life after Oxford- beyond that I feel completely clueless.

I took the LSAT yesterday. It really would be pointless to try to guess how I did. When people ask me how it went I want to say “Well, I took it”.  If I feel good about it, that doesn’t mean my score will necessarily be great. And if I feel bad….well I probably should start thinking about something else because its not going to change anything to feel one way or the other. I’m so bad about trying to think how I could have done things like that better or differently. So- I’m not going to comment on how I feel- rather I will let it suffice to say I finished- and I prepared as much as normal student can for such a thing.

 It has been nearly 3 1/2 months since I lived in England. I think about it often. It is strange to think that in only 2 more months from now I will have been in the States for as long as I was there. Adjusting back has been slow at times. I spent the summer in Alabama with my sister and brother in law- which allowed me to have a lot of time to myself to reflect and process everything. Coming back to college was a challenge because of the number of people I am constantly surrounded by- all of whom I know.  I forgot how easily invested I had become in the lives of people around me. I find myself talking to some people for hours at a time about life in general and issues they are dealing with. I had a few moments with people in Oxford like this- but more of select group rather than almost every person I see around here. I like being connected to people. Sometimes, though, I find myself wanting to escape completely from a classroom or a group setting and just go for a bike ride. Of course, I don’t really own a bike now here and even if I did the thought of riding in America without a bike lane is truly terrifying.

 So I think about Oxford- but not as much lately as I have been thinking about the future. I feel very behind on that whole life process bit figuring out what comes next. I trust that it will come in time though. And I’m continuously reminded that God is my provider- not me. I am so used to being in control and working hard to accomplish some goal. It is difficult now to know precisely what to strive for- well other than maybe striving to find a direction….I’m becoming someone who talks about this far too much though. I feel as though I’ve started to create some self fulfilling prophesy of not having it all together because I continuosly convince myself that this might be the case. I’m glad to be writing again. Perhaps I will become less likely to bless everyone with my great time of indecision if I let it all out through writing.

Anyhow, this is what is going on lately. A lot of good things have been happening, and hopefully I will find time to write about those later on. Until then, I hope this doesn’t become a huge procrastination tool for me. That always seems to be a danger.